Bing Well, Bong. Here we are at the Hardware Store. I always enjoy going here. They have so many odds and ends that can be found nowhere else. That, in fact, is why I am here today. My latest building project calls for a Number 2A Self-installing 3 ¼ inch screw anchor with screw.

Bong If any place will have such a thing, this place will. Look, a whole wall of little drawers, each with its fastener or other item for connecting some object to another. How will we ever find your Number 2 what’s it?

Bing By being systematic, Bong. First we find the Screw anchors, then the screw anchors with screws, then the ones that are 3 ¼ inch, then the Number 2’s and finally, the 2A’s.

Bong This reminds me of the work of Tim Evans, the systematist at Hope College.

Bing Systematist? I know this Tim Evans, but I didn’t realize he was a systematist. Nor would it have helped had I realized it. I haven’t the slightest idea what a systematist does.

Bong Simple, Bing. A systematist studies systematics.

Bing [Looking peeved] Ah, to be so self-assured, indeed complacently so. Sure, Bong, a systematist studies systematics, and an epistomologist studies epistemology!

Bong Don’t get so upset, Bing. You’ll have to go see your epistomologist if you get too riled up. OK, I’ll make another stab at it. [Bong says what a systematist does, and Bing asks questions to be sure it’s clear. Spend 3 minutes on this task.]

Bing Well, Bong. You knew more about systematists than I thought you would. And I see why you would think of such things in this hardware store. The nested hierarchies which sytematists prize can be demonstrated right here in the store.

Bong [Looking excited] Nested hierarchies? Where? I have never seen one before. It would be a real coup to see them nesting!

Bing Bong, I’m surprised at you. Nested hierarchies are a characteristic of classification schemes, not a species of bird. A nested hierarchy is a series of classification categories, each of which contains the next category. Like the category "screw anchors" contains both self installing and not self installing, and the self-installing screw anchors can be 2 or 2A, and among the 2A are several sizes including 3 ¼ inch.

Bong Oh…. Like "Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, Species!"

Bing Exactly.

Bong I remember that from my days in introductory biology. What a wonder the memory is!

Bing Yes, what a wonder. And speaking of wonder, I have been wondering why anyone would be a systematist. Professor Evans seems like a nice fellow who could be finding a cure for roseola or discovering a new high yield strain of barley. What do you suppose attracts him to classifying things.

Bong Not just "things," Bing. Members of the Collumnaceae, an intriguing group of plants. But I take your point. Let’s think for a few moments about what possible reasons one would have for studying systematics. Tell me all the reasons you can think of.

Bing Very well, Bong. I will if you chime in with the things you think of. [Bing lists all the reasons for studying systematics, and Bong helps by making his own suggestions. Write this list as you think of things. Take 3 minutes for this assignment.]

Bong One thing that interested me was how many different approaches there are to these matters. I mean you can study just about any aspect of a plant’s biology to help in classification.

Bing Yes, I believe you are right about that, Bong. From DNA to measuring leaf widths to biochemical features and metabolism. The more things we use to classify with, the more accurate a picture we get of the actual biological and evolutionary connections. I wonder if that idea could be pursued a little bit.

Bong We could no doubt pursue that, Bing. But first don’t you think we should get those Number 2A Self-installing 3 ¼ inch screw anchors with screw? Look they appear to come in four different colors. Which one do you want?

Donald Cronkite, July 17, 2000